


The One Where Everybody Finds Out

by bad_at_everything



Series: Klance Friends AUs [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Comedy, Dorks in Love, Established Relationship, Fluff, Friends AU, Funny, Implied Sexual Content, Kissing, M/M, Sappy, Secret Relationship, shits n giggles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-16
Updated: 2018-06-16
Packaged: 2019-05-24 00:47:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14944478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bad_at_everything/pseuds/bad_at_everything
Summary: Keith and Lance are dating, secretly. Nobody on the team knows, until suddenly everybody does. Shenanigans ensue.Based on a Friends episode of the same title.





	The One Where Everybody Finds Out

**Author's Note:**

> i just really love friends

For Hunk, the ball started rolling on planet Pulchara. 

After a long, long, long battle of liberating them from the Galra, they decided they wanted to reward the paladins and secure the alliance by throwing a party. 

“Alright, Paladins,” Coran said, brushing off his formal coat and twisting the ends of his mustache for what must’ve been the tenth time in the past fifteen minutes. “It is T-Minus eleven dobashes until showtime.” The rest of the team stood around him, all dressed up in what Coran insisted were “typical Pulchara celebration outfits” and that they might as well “Throw themselves in front of stampeding Nunkin if they showed up in anything less!”

Hunk had never been a fan of dressing up in obnoxious clothing, and this outfit in particular had far too many frills for anyone to be comfortable, but Coran had promised many times that the menu at this celebration would be exquisite, and Hunk would never turn up his nose at the opportunity to extend their palate beyond food goo.

“I still think this is a waste of time.” Keith said, crossing his arms. His outfit had less frills, but had weird stripes of lacy fabric down his sides, which Hunk could tell he absolutely hated. “We shouldn’t stop to throw parties when Zarkon still has control of half the universe.”

“Ah, that is where you’re wrong, number four! Diplomacy is an important part of creating an alliance, and as the defenders of the universe, it is one of our top priorities!” Coran said,

“Besides, you could use a night off, Keith. You’re so tense.” Lance said in a teasing voice. Keith just scowled, but didn’t argue further, which Hunk was grateful for. He didn’t think he could handle those two at each other’s throats all night long.

“Can you take us through the plan one more time, Coran?” Shiro asked, ever the reasonable one.

“Right! So, the Pulchari are a people who hold beauty, charm, and aesthetic in high regard so, of course, our best course of action is to not be ugly!”

“Solid advice, Coran.” Allura said a little bit sarcastically, as if she would have any problem at all with being beautiful and aesthetically pleasing. Hunk struggled not to roll his eyes.

“Beauty, charm, aesthetic?” Lance said, grinning and wiggling his eyebrows. “I think I’ve got that in the bag, wouldn’t you say?” He elbowed Keith in the side, winking.

“Of course. Coran, the Pulchara are all blind and deaf, right?” Keith said, without skipping a beat.

“Hey!” Lance shoved Keith, who was just giggling, and god, Hunk probably was going to have to deal with Lance complaining about Keith all night again, wasn’t he? 

“Guys, enough with the fighting.” Shiro said, his voice as tired as Hunk was sure everyone felt. “Best behavior tonight.” The two nodded, taking a subconscious step away from each other.

“And no, Keith. The Pulchara are not blind and deaf!’ Coran said, his voice indignant. “Have you been paying attention to my briefings at all? They in fact have senses that are far more advanced than a human or even an Altean, which is why-” Hunk zoned out at this point, which probably counted as the third time that Coran had gone over the basics of Pulchari culture.

“It’s going to be a very long night.” Pidge muttered from behind him. Hunk nodded in agreement, glancing over at Keith and Lance, who had also stopped paying attention to Coran’s lecture and seemed to have devolved into a poking war, like a bunch of five year olds instead of the noble defenders of the universe they were supposed to be.

He sighed. A very long night, indeed.

**************

The Pulchari definitely knew how to throw a fancy party.  
The ballroom was huge, literally the size of a small airport, and the floor actually glowed where people stepped on it, making dancing an entire artform of lights. It was like, a psychedelic rainbow of light, in motion. The music was loud and always seemed to be exactly what Hunk needed to hear, almost like magic.

And the people themselves were so gorgeous they made Hunk feel self conscious. The had long, willowy limbs that made every movement graceful, and their skin seemed to be covered in something like glitter that moved around depending on their emotions. If Hunk weren’t as considerate or as engrossed by the technology, he might be tempted to just stare at them all day.

“Hunk, come dance with me!” Lance said, almost tripping on his way to stand in front of Hunk. Lance was truly in his element here. He had already danced with Hunk three times, Shiro and Allura each once, Pidge twice, a few aliens, and Hunk even saw him spinning on the dance floor with Keith, of all people.

“I think I’m all good on dancing, buddy.” Hunk said, raising his arms up in surrender. “I’m exhausted, and Pidge and I were going to try and figure out how exactly the cool lights work.” He gestured down at the floor. 

“Oh come on, Hunk, what am I supposed to do, dance with Keith again? Because you know I can’t stand that guy!” Lance laughed nervously.

“No one said you had to dance with Keith. There’s plenty of other aliens that-”

“Fine! Since you’re leaving me with no other option, I guess I’ll just go dance with Keith!” Lance said in an unnaturally loud voice, which caused a few alien heads to turn in their direction.

“You don’t have to-”

“Have fun with your lights, traitor!” Lance said, and suddenly Keith was by his side, and Lance took his hand. “I’ll just be dancing with Keith, who I obviously hate!”

And the two of them started walking out towards the dance floor, leaving a very confused Hunk behind them, holding mini sandwich halfway to his mouth. 

“Smooth.” Hunk heard Keith say.

“Shut up, Mullet. I hate you.”

Weird, that was definitely weird, Hunk decided. But before he could reflect more on that weird sequence of events that just transpired, Pidge popped up next to him.

“You ready to go do some electrician style snoopin’?” She asked before shoving what looked like a cookie in her mouth. 

“Oh hell yeah, let’s go!”

**************

“You’re probably the least subtle person that I know.” Keith said, as they spun on the dance floor, both of them trying desperately to seem casual, even though all Lance wanted to do was pull Keith close and kiss the living daylights out of him. He could really pull off alien formalwear. 

“Hey! I think Hunk and every alien around totally bought it. They know for sure how much you repulse me.” Lance said, his hand slipping a little further down Keith’s waist.

“Oh, right back at you, Lance.” Keith said, his hand playing with the ends of Lance’s hair. “I definitely don’t want to kiss you right now. A lot. All over your face, and-”

“And?” 

“Other places.” And the smirk on Keith’s face was terrible and evil. 

“Oh, you’re the absolute worst, Kogane.” Lance said, using all of the little willpower he had not to drag Keith away into the dark, abandoned hallway. Coran had only drilled into their heads about a million times that the Pulchari held personal contact in high regard, and Allura would probably kill them if they fucked up this diplomat meeting.

“Well, then how about,” Keith started, using his planning voice. “In about ten minutes, you and I find ourselves in that hallway, where it’s empty.” Lance grinned, not able to help himself from dipping in a little bit closer, squeezing Keith’s hand a little bit tighter.

“Hmm, that would be very-”

“Paladins, if you don’t mind me interrupting-” A voice broke through their little bubble, and Lance immediately dropped his hands and stepped a foot away from Keith. Very smooth. Both of them turned to see one of the Pulchari, a tall, gorgeous specimen with glowing gold eyes and willowy limbs. And this one looked, familiar somehow.

“Why, hello-?” Lance started, already painting on his alien-charming smile. The Pulchara smiled, flashing glowing teeth.

“Arulba.” She said, standing up slightly straighter. “Princess Arulba.” Ah yes, she was one of the royal family that had greeted Voltron at the beginning of the ball.

“Princess Arulba, of course you must be a monarch, you’re so lovely and dazzling.” Lance bowed slightly, before elbowing Keith to follow his lead. Arulba giggled, glittered gathering in her cheeks in what Lance assumed was the Pulchari’s way of blushing.

“Ow-uh yes. It’s an honor, your majesty.” Keith said, bowing as well. 

“Oh please, ‘your highness’ will suffice.” Arulba curtsied slightly with a cheeky grin on her face that reminded Lance of this girl he knew in grade school whose parents threw her eleventh birthday party on their yacht. Lance fell into the water and had to be rescued, but that was beside the point. “But you, dear Red Paladin Lance,” she turned to Lance, who took a second to remember that he did pilot Red now, “You can call me Arie.” She batted her eyelids and- oh.

Wait.

She was flirting.

“May I have the next dance with you, Lance?” She purred at him. “I would really like to get to know more about humans. Maybe you could let me know exactly how you get your skin to glow that way.” She leaned a little bit too close to Lance, her delicate, glittery hand trailing across his arm. Lance heard Keith suck in his breath next to him, and used all of his willpower not to jerk away from the princess.

“Oh, well, it’s just face masks.” Lance said, racking his brain to figure out a way to get out of this without pissing off royalty or fucking up the happiest relationship he had ever had. “Well, maybe just one dance. Wouldn’t want anyone to think that the glorious Princess of the Pulchari has a favorite. Might cause some jealousy.” Lance nervously chuckled, casting a side glance at Keith, who looked like he was about ready to bolt. 

“Oh, don’t worry. I’m sure I can handle any jealous onlookers.” Arulba said, grinning, and Lance didn’t quite notice before, but her teeth were extremely sharp. He gulped.

“Alrighty, well I can’t possibly refuse the Princess, but,” He shot an apologetic look at Keith, who mouthed, “ten minutes?”, then jerked his head toward the door that led out the corridor. Ah yes. Definitely. Ten minutes. He could do anything for ten minutes, and then, when he left, it wouldn’t technically be abandoning his post because he would’ve spent time hanging out with the monarch, so mission accomplished there. Allura totally couldn’t get mad at him. “Let’s get to the dance floor for a dance!”

“We’ll definitely begin with a dance, which might become more,” Arulba winked, then grabbed Lance’s hands, dragging him further down the dance floor. Oh god. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed you, Lance. You’ve been dancing with everyone, but after dancing with me, you’ll never want another partner again.” That Lance found extremely hard to believe, because while he was sure that Princess Arulba had a lot to offer, he highly doubted she could match Keith. Keith’s dancing, which included a seemingly excessive amount of blushing, stumbling, under-the-breath curses, feather light touches, teasing, and most important of all, Keith. Yeah, that would be pretty hard to beat.  
In fact, Lance didn’t even realize that two dances had gone by with Arulba, because he found himself too busy searching for Keith in the crowded ballroom, to see if he had gone out in the hallway yet. Why the quiznak was this place so huge?

“Are you searching for something, Red Paladin?” Arulba asked, her voice tender. “I was thinking maybe we could go back to my-”

“I’ve got to go.” Lance interrupted, not really listening to what Arulba was saying. He just knew, as stupid and basic honeymoon stage teenager-y as it was, he wanted to see his dumb boyfriend. It had definitely been ten minutes, and he had definitely done his paladin duties of diplomacy by charming the princess. 

“Wait, what?”

“Er, urgent paladin business.” Lance detached Arulba’s hands from his body, setting them gently down at her side. “It was a pleasure dancing with you.” He flashed a brilliant, charming smile.

“But-”

But Lance was already gone, leaving the princess behind and heading towards the door where he was sure he saw the whip of a very familiar mullet go out of. He slipped through the doorway and found himself in a very large, gold colored, echo-y hallway. The Pulchari really did enjoy extravagencies, didn’t they?

“Keith!” He hissed, his voice reverberating back to him. It had definitely been ten minutes of dancing, so where was he?

“Lance.” Lance nearly lept a foot in the air, spinning around to see Keith just standing there, like a ghost, or some sort of sexy ninja. 

“What the-you!” He stumbled backward slightly, trying to regain control of his heart rate. “How do you always sneak up on me like that?” Lance asked. Keith just shrugged, before grabbing Lance’s hands and intertwining their fingers.

“Come on, while you were busy with your girlfriend I found a spot that’s good for staying out of sight.” He started walking backwards, towards a large pillar that did obstruct the view to outsiders. 

“Oh, so this a best left unseen sort of activity, is it?” Keith didn’t dignify that with a response, instead just pulled Lance closer until their lips were only a couple millimeters away, waiting for Lance to close the gap. Which Lance did with no hesitation. Kissing Keith was like, well piloting Blue almost. Except even better. A rush of adrenaline, excitement, like every corner of Lance’s brain was awake, but also, an underlying feeling of home that had been growing stronger recently. Like, Keith was home, somehow. A home away from home. And also an adrenaline rush at the same time. It was all so, intoxicating. Keith was intoxicating. 

Honestly, Lance should be rewarded for not kissing Keith all the time. 

“Should we head back anytime soon?” Keith asked during a brief break to catch their breaths, foreheads resting against each other as he leaned against the wall. His hands roamed up and down Lance’s chest in a way that was making Lance think some very not diplomatic appropriate thoughts. “For, like, diplomat purposes, or something?”

“Nah, I think Allura and Shiro have probably got the diplomacy thing locked down,” Lance said. “We should probably keep watch, out here. For, danger.”

“Oh, so you’re looking for danger?” Keith said in a low voice and a totally unfair smirk, sliding his arms to Lance’s waist and pulling him closer.

Yeah, the hallway was exactly where Lance needed to be.

**************

Allura was pissed, to say the least. She had been having a great night meeting new people, discussing the Voltron Coalition with the Pulchara Monarchy, and dancing like she hadn’t been able to for ten thousand years. 

So anyone could imagine how ticked off it made her when the Princess of the Pulchari came up in the middle of a conversation Allura was having with the king, in tears. And when it was revealed ten seconds later exactly which paladin had been the cause of those tears, well, she was just absolutely livid.

“Paladins!” Allura yelled the minute the castle door shut after they had been dismissed from the celebrations, causing everyone else to jump in the air. Pidge even dropped the small box of assorted Pulchari tech and snacks she had secured from the party, which hit the ground with a loud bang.

“Uh, is something the matter, Princ-” Shiro started to ask, adapting his “calming dad” voice that Allura was so not in the mood for at this moment in time.

“Oh, something is indeed the matter, Shirogane.” Allura snapped, crossing her arms as she spun around on the heel of her foot to glare at Lance, who was looking very sheepish. As he should, that absolute- “It seems a certain paladin seemed to decide that his personal endeavors were more important than the Voltron Coalition.” 

“Wait, what do you mean-” Lance started, but immediately shut up when Allura leveled her glare to deadly force.

“Does the name Princess Arulba ring a bell, Lancey Lance, King of Diplomacy?” Allura asked, and she heard a small “Oh shit” from behind her, either from Keith or Pidge, but she wasn’t really concerned on the logistics of that at the moment.

“Wait, but I danced with her! I was a perfect gentleman!” Lance defended, raising his hands in the universal “I Surrender!” gesture. But Allura sure wasn’t about to let him off the hook for that thing.

“You blew her off!” Allura shot back.

“You blew off a princess?” Hunk asked, voice in shock. “But why?”

“I didn’t blow her off!”

“She ran to her father in tears!” Allura said, stepping forward again. Lance leaped back, hiding behind Hunk. As if Hunk could save him  
now. “And then you disappeared for nearly an hour!”

“I swear to god I didn’t mean anything by it!”

“Coran went over Pulchari culture about a dozen times, so you can imagine why it frustrates me so that you would pull such a careless  
move-”

“It’s not Lance’s fault!” Everyone froze, and Allura spun around on her heel to face Keith, who had his arms crossed in a defiant gesture. 

“What the quiznak do you mean?” Allura asked, narrowing her eyes. He swallowed, nervously, looking a bit like he was caught under a  
spotlight. 

“Well, it’s like, I know Coran said it was a grievance to refuse to comply to the royals’ wishes but like,” He pressed onward, each word growing slightly stronger. “It’s not Lance’s fault he wasn’t interested in the princess, and human rules of consent are way different than the Pulchari’s, so shouldn’t they respect that?” 

Allura let his words sink in for a moment, maybe two. Quiznak. 

“While that is true, we can’t let Voltron earn the reputation of disrespect towards alien culture. It could only harm the Coalition, and we’re going to need all the help that we can get if we want to even stand a chance against the Galra Empire.” She finally said, but could feel a slight amount of guilt form in the pit of her stomach. It was easy, perhaps in the midst of a war, to forget that the other Paladins had their own customs and societal rules, which, as Pidge might put it, was kind of shitty of her. 

“Shouldn’t they be concerned with not offending us?” Hunk pointed out. “I mean, not to like, toot our own horn, but we are the ones who actually pilot Voltron.”

“I suppose, but Lance-” Allura turned back to him. “Next time, try to indulge any princesses that might desire your attention. Or at least let them down diplomatically.”

“Right-o.” Lance shot finger guns at Allura, still looking slightly terrified. Good. A healthy amount of fear was perfectly appropriate.

“What I don’t understand-” Pidge piped in, now that she was sure no one was going to get launched out into space during an argument. “-is why Lance blew off a princess. That’s totally out of character, from what we’ve seen.” She adjusted her glasses and peered closer to Lance, like he was a specimen she was studying. Lance took a step away, crossing his arms defensively.

“Well, putting aside the fact that I have three dimensions-” He sputtered out.

“Yeah, and where did you disappear off too? I tried to find you after Pidge and I figured out how the floor lights worked, which I still need to show you, but you were gone. Last I saw you were dancing with Keith and then, poof-” Hunk mimed a miniature explosion with his hands. 

“No Lance!”

“This isn’t an interrogation, guys.” Shiro said, in his reasoning voice. “But Lance, where did you disappear off to?” The Paladin in question was rapidly turning a curious shade of red, one that almost made Allura wonder if Earthlings had transformative powers as well, before she remembered Pidge explaining how blood worked in the human body.

“I was, uh, off doing important paladin things!” Lance decided, his voice decidedly at least two octaves higher than usual. Keith snorted. 

“Yep. That’s what you were doing.” He said, smirking, and Lance’s face somehow grew impossibly redder. “Important paladin things.” The two of them seemed to have a mini staring contest, which Allura thought was really weird. But it seemed almost impossible to understand human customs at this point.

“Well, we should probably rest up, as who knows what the next few days will hold.” Allura said, deciding it was best to put the matter to bed before another fight broke out between the two hotheaded paladins. The rest of the crew nodded. Pidge picked up her box of souvenirs and headed towards the couch, most likely ready to either snack or tinker with her new tech. Shiro stretched and started heading to his room to hopefully take a well needed nap. Allura decided she should probably check for more distress signals in the control room with Coran. They had barely spread out across the lounge area when someone spoke.

“Wait.” Hunk said in a loud, strained voice. He stood frozen in the middle of the room. Keith and Lance whipped their heads over to him, where he was looking back and forth from them rapidly. 

“What?” Allura asked, a little confused. The three of them seemed to be having a silent conversation, one in which Hunk was only growing more and more horrified.

“Wait!” Hunk said, even louder, getting that look on his face that he often got before he got sick.

“HUNK I THINK I NEED TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING IN MY ROOM.” Lance said, in an even louder voice, rushing over to grab one of Hunk’s arms and attempting to drag him away.

“Oh my GOD!” Hunk said, whipping his head towards Keith. “You-”

“YEAH I’LL COME TOO. COME ON HUNK!” Keith practically yelled, before grabbing Hunk’s other arm. Allura and the other’s watched in confused silence as they dragged the yelling Hunk from the room. 

“That was weird.” Shiro was the first to speak once the odd trio vacated the room.

“I wonder what the cause of that was.” Allura said, wondering how much of earth culture there was that she would just never understand.

“Eh, it’s probably just some stupid teenage boy stuff.” Pidge offered. There was a beat of silence, before the other three in the room shrugged then continued on to what they were doing. Those three had done some weirder things, after all.

**************

Back in Lance’s room, things weren’t going quite as smoothly.

“Hunk! Everything is okay!” Lance was attempting to sound soothing, but it was kind of undermined by the fact that he was pinning Hunk to his bed.

“You, you two-!” Hunk yelled, struggling to break free, but it was a lot harder when Keith had grabbed hold of his other arm. They were both twigs, how were they so much stronger than they looked?

“Hunk, it’s true! But nobody knows so you need to calm down!” 

“And at that party! It was Keith-”

“Yes at the party, Hunk, please stop struggling so we can explain everything!” Lance yelled, and finally, finally, the motor control part of Hunk’s brain started working again, and he relaxed, lying down on the bed and staring up at Lance’s ceiling. He kind of felt like someone had tossed a bucket of ice water on him, just totally in shock.

“Holy shit.” Hunk said. “So, you two-”

“Yep.” Lance tentatively let go of Hunk’s arm, and Keith followed suit. Both of them took a stepped away from the bed, giving Hunk some much needed space to process everything. 

So much was running through Hunk’s head at that moment. All the times that both of them had disappeared the past couple months, the weird shared smiles, the-

Hunk sat bolt upright. “Oh my god, Lance, when you came in asking if my modified goo was safe, you were talking about-” A very unwelcome image popped in Hunk’s head, and he smacked both of his hands over his eyes. “Oh my gOD.”

“Oh my god, Hunk, it’s not like-” Lance sounded absolutely mortified, which, good! He should feel humiliated and ashamed for the mental images that were currently happening to Hunk

“Oh god, and the party when you guys snuck off! Gross! Gross!” How many times had Hunk been blown off by Lance for a booty call?

“Hunk, it’s-” Keith started, but Hunk wasn’t really listening, instead, that panic was building up again, ready to spill out.

“I’ve gotta go tell somebody. Allura, Pidge, or even the mice, I’ve gotta-” He started to stand up off the bed, fully intent on rushing out and finding someone else to share the burden with.

“NO!” Both Keith and Lance yelled at the same time, rushing forward, which was enough to stop Hunk straight in his tracks. He plopped down back onto the bed.

“Why not?” He asked.

“Lots of reasons!” Lance said, waving his hands in the air. “Look, I know this is shocking, and you’re terrible at keeping secrets-”

“I just don’t like lying!” Hunk interjected. “How is that a bad thing?”

“But we’ve been keeping this, us, a secret for awhile. It’s, well, new. And both of us are so, so, bad at relationships-” Keith nodded along. 

“So bad.” He agreed.

“-and this is actually going really-” Lance froze, before spinning to look at Keith. “This is going well, right?” He asked. Keith huffed out a sigh, before taking half a step forward and lightly taking Lance’s hand.

“Yes, Lance,” Keith said, in a very fond way that Hunk was not super appreciating right then, “This is going extremely well.” And then both of them just stared in each other’s eyes for far too long, with far too soft expressions. Hunk didn’t think he could handle that right at this moment.

“Fine!” He said, “I won’t tell anyone.” That was going to be a difficult promise to keep. Immediately the fond looks were directed at him, which was slightly overwhelming.

“Thank you so much, Hunk.” Keith said, smiling. A Keith smile was a rare one, and Hunk considered it an accomplishment that he had personally been on the receiving end of over fifteen. He was starting to think he wasn’t quite the record holder, though.

“It’ll just be until we’re ready for the team to know.” Lance said, his hand intertwining more tightly with Keith’s. That was a weird sight.

“Right.” Hunk said. “If you could hurry up with the getting ready, that would be aces.”

“We knew we could count on you.” Keith said, before turning and grinning at Lance again, his face totally open and unguarded. Hunk flopped backwards on the bed.

“Man, this is so weird.” He said to the ceiling.

“I know, I know,” Lance’s voice readopting that typical bravado he used when flirting with strangers. “It’s strange that Keith would be able to land someone as incredible as me. But space is a very strange place where many miracles-” 

“Although looking back,” Hunk interrupted. “I suppose I should’ve seen it coming. You did spend a lot of time coming to my room and ‘complaining’ about Keith.” He made air quotations and Lance sputtered.

“Wha-I did not!” He said defensively, and Hunk propped himself up on his elbows to see Lance blushing again.

“You used to complain about me to Hunk?” Keith said, a smirk on his face.

“Only about how obnoxious and stupid you are!” Lance said, letting go of Keith’s hand to cross his arms.

“Oh yeah,” Hunk said, a smirk on his own face now. “He used to say stuff like ‘Stupid Keith with his stupid pretty hair and stupid perfect face and stupid sword skills and the way he smiles-’” Hunk felt like he did a pretty good job at imitating Lance’s voice, facial expressions and everything. 

“Stop spreading lies, Hunk!” Lance said.

“That’s really interesting, Lance.” Keith said in a teasing tone, elbowing Lance in the ribs playfully. 

“That’s enough from you, traitor!” Lance shoved him, but it only half hearted, and Keith only staggered and laughed. Full on laughed. Like a human person.

“I’m sorry, is my pretty hair and perfect face bothering you?” Keith said, and wow, Hunk had never seen Keith smile more openly at anyone. Or joke so much.

“I’m leaving you!” Lance declared decisively, jabbing a finger in Keith’s chest. His face was burning red now. “And you,” He swiveled around to point at Hunk. “-are fired as my best friend on the grounds of betrayal.” He spun around again, and stalked out of his own room, letting the door slide shut and leaving a laughing Keith and still slightly confused Hunk behind him.

“Why do I even like him?” Keith asked absentmindedly, in a tone that sounded more adoring than anything else. “Drama queen.” He turned back to Hunk, that smile still large and present on Keith’s face. “Thank you again for keeping our secret. We both really appreciate it.”

“No problem,” Hunk said, which would probably be the first in many lies he would have to tell in order to keep this secret safe.

“I’d better go catch up with him.” Keith said, before shooting another one of those sunshine smiles at Hunk, than jogging out of the room.

“Hey, sharpshooter.” Hunk heard from the hallway before the doors shut.

“Nicknames won’t make me unleave you.” Lance’s voice came as a reply, still sounding embarrassed. Keith laughed again, echoing through the halls.

“I know.”

“Good. Glad we’re on the same page. Can we go to your room?” 

The door shut, leaving Hunk alone in Lance’s room with the weight of a very juicy secret pressing down on his chest. Hopefully, Lance and Keith would be ready to tell everyone soon and this whole ordeal would pass without any incident. Hunk took a deep breath. Everything would be fine.

After all, how much trouble could one secret cause, really? 

**************

“How is it, that in the infinite reaches of space,” Allura said, leaning her head against her hand as she looked over the screen displaying the nearby star systems. “Voltron has absolutely nothing to do?” It had been almost fourteen quintents since the party and their alliance with the Pulchari was secured, and there was nothing. No distress signals, no Galra attacks, no more party invitations. Nothing. 

“Ah, Princess, this is just one of the many responsibilities that liberating the universe comes with. Being ever watchful and steady.” Coran said. “I’m going to go check in with the Pulchari and see how their end of things is going. You keep an unrelenting eye out for distress signals!” He saluted Allura, then spun out of the control room, leaving Allura alone.

The mice hopped up onto the control panel.Well, she thought, not completely alone.

“Are you here to entertain me, then?” She asked, a small grin on her face. The mice just twittered at her. “I don’t know what game to play. We’ve played enough charades, haven’t we?” Total agreement. She dropped her chin in her hands. “Say, do you have anymore good gossip? Last time you had information about Pidge, what else have you guys found out?”

The mice looked at each other, then back at Allura with a focused intensity. Platt beckoned Allura closer with his little paw, so she leaned closer as he started chirping away. 

“Mhm. Mhm. Keith? Yes, obviously I know he’s-” Allura lifted her head out of her hands. “What? Lance? No, that can’t be-no!” Platt nodded.  
“Lance and Keith?” She clapped her hands over her mouth. “No!” Platt nodded again, and Allura shot up to her feet.  
“Holy fuck!” She exclaimed, another word that Pidge had taught her that did a very good job at expressing the violent storm that was happening in her head. “You guys stay here and watch the stars I’ve got to, well, I must go see-” 

“Hey Allura, how’s it hanging?” Speak of the polisson-Allura whipped around to see Lance stroll into the control room, hands tucked behind his head and positively glowing.

“Lance!” Allura jumped in front of the mice, as if they were visually displaying the incriminating information that Allura had just become privy to. “What are you-hi! How are you?” Smooth.

“I’m doing absolutely fantastic.” He grinned, before coming up next to Allura to look at the display screens. Allura turned around, and yep, nothing else had come up on the screen. “Coran told me you were on watch duty.” He rested his elbow on Allura’s shoulder.

“Yes, yes I am.” Allura said, before side glancing at Lance. Could it actually be true? “You’re in a rather sunny mood.” Allura commented. 

“Why, er, why is that, do you think?” Her and Lance had grown quite close in the time they’d been forming Voltron, so perhaps, if she nudged him in the right direction, he would tell her of his own volition.

And then they could talk about it because, holy shit, was that some hot gossip. 

“Oh, you know.” Lance said, shooting his ridiculously bright smile in Allura’s direction. 

“I’m not quite sure I do.” Allura said, even though she very much did. 

“Ah, the stars are shining, our coalition is going successfully, just, a good time to be happy.” Lance said. Allura tried not to scream out loud. Why wouldn’t he just tell her? Maybe he needed a push, a casual steer in the right direction.

“Yeah, I suppose. Keith has been really happy as well.” She thought her attempt to sound casual went very smoothly. Immediately Lance tensed up, and he gave an awkward chuckle, sliding his elbow off of Allura’s shoulder.

“Haha, well, I mean yeah, you know, good moods all around. It’s because of brain sauces like dopamine and endorphins and serotonin. I mean just in general, for human people. Pidge could probably explain better.” Lance sputtered, waving his hands in the air violently and barely missing Allura’s face. “Dunno why Keith of all people would be so happy. I don’t even know Keith all that well, like at all,” Allura raised an eyebrow at that. “I mean obviously I know him well! We’re paladins, mind meld and all that. He’s an awesome leader and Voltron works well together.” Lance was slowly and totally not subtly backing away from Allura. “But like we never hang out, or anything. Gross. He’s so weird, am I right?” Lance chuckled again loudly.

“Are you backing away from me?” Allura had to ask, trying not to laugh.

“What? No! Man, I just remembered I have to go hang out with Hunk? Wow, time flies, it was good talking to you!” And before Allura could even move, the control room doors flew shut behind Lance. Plachu chittered at her.

“No, he’s not very subtle at all, is he?” Allura said, one hand on her hip as she looked the closed door. All four mice nodded.

“Oh, she had no idea!” Lance said, outside in the hall. “I am so smooth.”

**************

“Well, I think I’m going to turn in early. I think I’m coming down with something.” Keith said loudly one day at dinner. He sounded very much like a rehearsed puppet, and it made Hunk wince. How on Earth had he not figured those two out earlier? They were painfully obvious.

“What do you mean? Are you ill? I’ve got some Nunvil cocktail that’ll fix you right up-” Coran started, immediately jumping at the chance to play nurse. 

“No, I think I’m good. Mostly just tired, headache.” Keith interrupted.

“Alright. If it gets any worse, tell us and we’ll stick you in a healing pod.” Shiro said as Keith made a big show of standing up and gathering his dishes.

“Nothing a little sleep can’t fix!” Keith said, way too bubbly to be in anyway convincing. And Hunk knew exactly why Keith was in such a chipper mood, despite his mysterious illness. 

It had been, what, three weeks since the Pulchari ball? Three weeks of keeping his mouth shut and three weeks of covering for Keith and Lance. He had to block Pidge from going to Keith’s room to ask him a question two days ago when Keith and Lance requested some alone time. Like, physically block her. She attempted climbing him, and it was not an experience he’d like to repeat. He’d also had to short out the comms twice because apparently Lance didn’t ever think about his surroundings before he got all gross and mushy. And not to mention all the times that Shiro had commented on how well Lance and Keith were getting on in training, it was-

“I think I’m going to go clean my room.” Lance said, slightly more naturally, but still an octave higher than his normal volume. Jesus Christ. “It’s starting to look like Pidge’s.”

“Hey!” Pidge said, but it was halfhearted. Lance ruffled her hair as he walked by. 

“You can’t even deny the horror that is your room, Pidgeon.” 

“I know where everything is.” Pidge defended herself. Shiro patted her back.

“Of course.” He said, ever supportive.

Allura had been strangely quiet the entire dinner, mostly staring intently at Keith, which was very weird. She fiddled with her spork, now staring at the empty space where Keith had been.

“I think I need to go ask Keith a question.” She said suddenly, setting down her spork. “About his illness. It reminds me of something I remember my childhood friend had.” She stood up. Hunk immediately stood up as well.

“Why don’t I go ask him your question? You don't have to go through the trouble.” He said, grinning widely. “I insist.”

“No.” Allura said, cocking her head to the side slightly and narrowing her eyes at Hunk. Like she was trying to figure out what he was thinking. No sir, Hunk was a vault of secrets. “It’s really no trouble. I can go check on him.”

“Nah, I have to ask Keith something anyway.” Hunk made up on the spot. 

“About what?” Allura asked, and Hunk was starting to feel sweat bead up on his forehead. 

“Oh, you know. Teenage boy stuff. You don't want to ask.” He said, which was a very good excuse normally, as neither Pidge, Shiro, nor Allura ever wanted to deal with “teenage boy stuff.” Honestly, he never did either.

“Well,” Allura said, very articulate, choosing each word with the same care as someone might choose knives. “Why don't we both go check on him together. Since, of course, we both have such a sudden, unstoppable desire to go speak with the head of Voltron.” 

“Let’s.” Hunk agreed, pushing in his chair at the same time Allura did. They held eye contact for another moment, both searching for something. 

“You guys can just leave.” Pidge said, barely even looking up from her bowl of food goo. “You're being weird.” 

“Right.” Allura and Hunk said at the same time, narrowing their eyes at each other again. Then, in unison, they both turn and power walk out into the hall. The second the door shut, Allura crowded him backwards until his back hit the wall. He swallowed.

“Why are you going to go check up on Keith?” Allura said, eyes fierce and narrowed. She had used her transformation powers to get to eye level with him, hadn’t she?

“Why are you?” Hunk shot back, trying to stand his ground. Lance and Keith were depending on him. Allura wasn’t that scary. Just a tall, beautiful, alien warrior princess. Right, nothing intimidating about that.

“Do you know?” Allura asked, tone abruptly shifting as she backed off almost a few inches. Her voice was more hesitant now, and Hunk still got the feeling that she was trying to read his mind like she read the mices’. 

“Do you know?” Hunk repeated, skeptically. 

“That depends on what you know.” Allura said, crossing her arms. Okay, she had to be bluffing at this point.

“You don’t know.” Hunk said, shaking his head. She had probably just picked up on Hunk acting weird, or actually needed to talk to Keith about something. She leaned forward slightly, feet spread in what Hunk assumed would be a good attack position. 

“Oh, so if I go talk to Keith now I won’t see a certain someone-” Hunk gasped out loud, pointing at Allura

“You know!”

“You know!”

“Of course I know!” Hunk said, pointing at his chest. “I'm Lance’s best friend, and I never miss anything! How did you find out?”

“The mice told me!” Allura said, gesturing at nothing.

“How long have you known?” Hunk asked.

“Like five quintents, how long have you known?”

“Too long!” Hunk threw his hands up in the air. “Oh my god, it’s such a relief that someone else knows! And you found out, so I haven’t broken any promises! A win-win for Hunk.”

“You have to tell me everything!” Allura said, grabbing his arm and dragging Hunk further down the hallway. “Like, when did it start?”

“Uh, after that big fancy party we threw in the castle, I think. The one right after Shiro disappeared.” Hunk said as they walked. They were headed vaguely in the direction of the control room, which everyone knew was Allura’s prefered place to-not gossip, per se, but more share facts.

“Okay,” Allura opened up the control room with flourish, walked over to her place at the control panel, and span around dramatically. “Tell me everything. The mice are vague at best-” Allura gestured vaguely at the mice, who had just hopped up next to her side.

“Well, you know rodents. Ever the cryptics.” Hunk said waving his hand dismissively, then he froze. “Wait, there’s no secret rule that paladins can’t date each other, right? Because if so what you just found out was a big elaborate prank. Gotcha.”

“What, no, of course not! We’re not medieval.” Allura said.

“Oh, ok, that’s awesome then. What do you want to know?”

“Everything! Anything.” Allura said, flapping her hands in the air. “Like, who initiated the first kiss?”

“I don’t know.”

“Okay, so, are they in love?” Allura asked.

“I don’t know.”

“Is Keith romantic with Lance?” Allura scrunched up her face. Imagining stone faced Keith as mushy with anyone was a weird sight, Hunk knew. Like seeing a shark cuddle a seal, or something like that. 

“I don’t know.”

“Do you know anything, Hunk?” Allura asked, exasperated.

“They don’t tell me anything! I’m really bad at keeping secrets. I was probably one bad excuse for a booty call away from telling you anyway.” Hunk said, then he remembered something. “Ooh! I do know one thing.”

“What?”

“You know how they say they’re going to clean their lions, like, a lot?” Hunk asked.

“Of cou-NO!” Allura gasped, covering her mouth with one hand.

“Yep!” Hunk said, probably more delighted than he should’ve been that he finally had someone else to share these disgusting revelations with.

“I thought that they were bonding with their lions! For Voltron’s sake!” Allura’s voice squeaked.

“Oh they were bonding alright. Just not with their lions.” Hunk said, and Allura shrieked, before slapping her hand on her mouth. 

“Why haven’t they told anyone?” Allura asked.

“I’m not sure! They’re so weird about that. They said something about it being so new-”

“-It’s not that new, if they’ve been together for as long as you said-”

“I don’t know, maybe they just haven’t had the feelings talk yet, so they feel awkward and don’t want to discuss it?”

“Alright, well, I supposed we’ll respect that.” Allura sounded very annoyed by that. Welcome to Hunk’s world. “We can still talk about it all we want, right?”

“Oh god, of course! Let me tell you about their antics a week ago. Okay so it was after training, and Keith was-” Hunk launched into the stories he’d been holding in for far, far, too long. God, thank everything for the mice. They were a godsend.

**************

“Alright, so what did you want me to check out?” Pidge asked, walking into the control room. Allura had called her down over the comms, saying something about a “technical emergency only Pidge’s expertise could solve.”

“Well, here’s the thing-” Allura started. “I actually just need to look over the cameras again in case there’s another infiltration. I don’t really need your assistance, it’s just so, so boring, and I wanted your company.” Pidge blinked, mouth opening slightly.

“You just wanted to hang out with me?” She asked.

“Yeah! Is that okay? Have a little girl time?” Allura asked. Pidge’s eyes started to sting just a little bit, which was stupid, because she shouldn’t be tearing up at Allura going out of her way to hang out with Pidge. But hey, she had probably one friend that wasn’t her brother her entire childhood. It was lonely, especially after she came out. Not many kids wanted to play with the trans girl.

So yeah, maybe she was a little bit happy.

“Yeah! Definitely. Let’s check those cameras.” Pidge said, settling down in her chair and pulling up her computer screen. 

“Yay!” Allura said, before settling down. “I’ll control the cameras while you watch the footage.” She sounded so excited.  
Admittedly, it wasn’t the most glamorous activity, a lot of mundane checking and troubleshooting, but Allura was fun, even though she was weird.

Nothing really of note happened until it was time to check the bedroom cameras.

“Alright, dormitory camera C.”Allura said, from her place at the control panel. She pressed a few buttons. “Tell me what you see.”

“Uh, Hunk is reading one of those books you lent him.”

“Ooh, is it a Tale of Two Wombeasts? How close is he to finishing? I need to talk to him about Patty.” Allura left her post to peer over Pidge’s shoulder. Pidge shrugged. 

“He looks almost done.” Pidge replied. “Is that a good one?” Allura walked back over to her post, nodding vehemently.

“Yes! You’ll need to read it too. I haven’t had anyone to talk about it for ten thousand years, and Coran’s interpretation is totally-” She waved a hand in the air as she flicked the screen to the next room with her other. 

“Whack?” Pidge suggested.

“Yes! Whack! How’s camera D looking?” Allura asked.

“Keith’s room is empty, but the camera appears to be working.” Pidge replied, adjusting her screen slightly. Keith’s room was always so empty. The exact opposite of Pidge’s room.

“Okay, last one, E!” Allura said triumphantly, before flicking the screen to the final camera.

“Oh, there’s Keith. He and Lance are both sitting on his bed. Both getting along, that’s weird.” Pidge saw Allura stiffen out of the corner of her eye, but didn’t think too deep as to why. “Wait, they’re just staring at each other. Why are they-” Pidge froze. “Oh my god. OH MY GOD! THAT’S KEITH AND LANCE! LANCE AND KEITH!”

“QUIZNAK!” Allura swooped behind Pidge, but Pidge’s eyes were locked on the Lance and Keith on the screen, who were engaging in activities that were definitely not team appropriate.

“They-they’re QUIZNAKING! MY EYES!” Pidge yelled, pointing a finger as the situation on camera began to rapidly escalate. “LANCE AND KEITH!” Allura lunged over Pidge and shut off the screen before anything else could happen or any more articles of clothing could be removed.

“Quiznak.” Allura repeated, a little in shock. “Pidge-”

“OH MY GOD!” Pidge said, somehow unable to do anything but yell at the moment. She blamed the trauma that had just been afflicted on her. “THEY WERE DOING IT! KEITH AND LANCE!”

“I KNOW!”

“YOU KNOW?” 

“YES! I KNOW AND HUNK KNOWS BUT NO ONE ELSE DOES SO YOU NEED TO KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN!” 

Right at that moment, with Allura grabbing Pidge’s shoulders and both of them yelling far too loudly, the control room doors opened.  
“Hey, Allura, Pidge,what are you guys yelling about?” It was Shiro. Shiro, who hadn’t been traumatized the way Pidge had just been. Pidge envied him.

“Nothing! We’re just so excited! About the new tech Pidge just installed! Right, Pidge?” Allura elbowed Pidge, harder than was probably necessary.

“SO EXCITED. I LOVE TECH.” Pidge said, in an unnaturally loud voice, still feeling quite panicked.

“Well, that’s great!” Shiro said. “Do you guys need any help?”

“Nope!” Allura said, standing straight up and flashing a faux sweet smile. “We’re all good here! Pidge and I were just finishing up with the cameras. You can go ahead and rest up. Just in case we have a mission soon.” She stepped forward, grabbing Shiro by the shoulders and steered him back outside. “Ba-bye now!” She gave him a shove right out into the hallway, then slammed her hand on the control panel to shut the doors.

“Right then, now that that’s taken care of.” Allura span around on her heels, facing Pidge again. “No, I bet you have a thousand questions-”

“What the fuck, Allura?” Pidge said, which was about as complex a sentence that she could really muster up right now. “What the fuck?”

“Right. I don’t know how to answer that question, exactly, but-”

“How long has that been going on? Keith and Lance?” Pidge gestured to where the screen was only moments ago.

“I think a few months? Hunk isn’t sure.”

“How much does Hunk know?”

“I, uh, let’s ask him!” Allura lit up, as Pidge still tried to process the new information she had just received. Keith and Lance, together.  
Romantically. As a couple. She shook her head like a wet dog as Allura pressed the communication button on the control panel and gave a brief announcement. “Hunk! It is urgent that you get here. We need your engineering expertise.”

It was only a few moments before the control room doors burst open, and Hunk came in. 

“What’s the urgent engineering emergency?” He asked. 

“Pidge knows.” Allura said, by way of explanation. For a minute, Hunk stared blankly at Pidge, then understanding lit up his eyes.

“Wait, she knows?” Hunk asked.

“She knows.”

“We saw them…” Pidge blinked, then shuddered. That was too much for her innocent, child eyes to see. “Getting...intimate, through the cameras.”

“What, gross!” Hunk looked horrified.

“Not everything.” Allura amended, as though what they did see wasn’t horrifying. “But, enough. The secrets out. Now three of us know.”

“We know they clearly don’t have any issues with physical attraction.” Pidge muttered, finally recovering enough from the shock to relax in her chair slightly.

“Great! Enough of us know? Now we can just tell them we know, and bada bing, no more secrets!” Hunk said, grinning widely and clapping his hands together. “You have no idea how hard it was to keep those two a secret. They’re so obvious.”

“Right!” Allura agreed, but suddenly Pidge’s brain was turning, like it often did when confronted with opportunities.

“Wait, what if we didn’t tell them that we all know?” Pidge suggested, slowly, as the plan was still formulating in her mind. 

“What, why would we do that? Why keep more secrets?” Hunk asked. 

“Because! They’ve been keeping this hugeass secret from us! And isn’t the whole point of Voltron to trust each other? What was the whole mind meld thing for?” Pidge said, standing up as she talked. She felt more powerful that way.

“Didn’t you lie about your entire identity for the first few months of us being paladins, Katie?”

“I didn’t ask for a history lesson, Hunk.” Pidge dismissed him with a wave of her hand. “I’m just hurt that they would keep something like that from us. Do they not trust us? My point is, we need to get back at them for hiding this from us!”

“That seems like an unnecessary escalation-” Hunk started to stammer out.

“I think that’s a brilliant idea, Pidge!” Allura interrupted Hunk, clapping her hands together. “What a perfect way to show those two that we’re a team and should trust each other!”

“What, deception?” Hunk asked, but he was no longer being heard.

“How should we go about it?” Allura asked Pidge.

“Well, whenever they sneak off and say they’re doing something, like chores when we know they’re really, well, not, we can give them a bunch of extra jobs to do!” Pidge started walking around in a circle, her plotting circle as it were. 

“That’s a great idea!”

“While I am not opposed to making Keith and Lance do my laundry, don’t you think this is a little bit crazy?” Hunk asked, but it fell on deaf ears. “Wouldn’t it be easier to just tell them so this whole thing is over?”

“Ooh, Allura!” Pidge froze, grabbing Allura’s shoulders and looking her straight in the eye. “You have the most powerful weapon at your disposal!”

“I do? What?” Allura asked, looking utterly bewildered.

“Your sexuality!”’

“Her sexuality?” Repeated Hunk, sounding aghast.

“My sexuality?” Allura said slowly, sounding confused. But intrigued, hopefully.

“Yes! Up until a few months ago, Lance was all over you. Imagine how much it would freak him out if you started flirting with him!” Allura’s jaw dropped open.

“Pidge, this is escalating into dangerous territory, and I don’t want to have to be the one to say I told you so when this inevitably blows up in your face.” Hunk tried to be the voice of reason, but neither Pidge nor Allura seemed too keen to listen. 

“Hunk, I am a scientist, and I know what I’m doing.” Pidge said, as she watched Allura consider the idea that Pidge proposed. 

“I love it.” Allura said finally, grinning a little bit like a psychopath. “When do we start?”

“Oh my god.” Hunk said.

“As soon as possible.”

Right at that moment, the castle alarms went off, then Coran’s voice echoed throughout the castle. “Paladins! We are under attack! Please get to your lions, immediately!”

“Let’s put this plan into action, shall we?” Allura grinned, then all three of them ran out of the control room to their lions, ready to fight off whatever attackers were foolish enough to mess with team Voltron.

**************

It was the first time in awhile Lance and Keith had been caught off guard by an emergency like that. They only arrived a minutes or two after everyone else, and received only a moderately dirty look from Hunk before Keith made it into Black, and Lance into Red, and they were off.  
Of course the battle went well, just a stray Galra fleet that had definitely been in way over their head. They didn’t even have to form Voltron, which was good, because after that little, er, session in his bed, he wasn’t exactly eager about the rest of the team having access to his headhole. Especially when Lance's thoughts were mostly going “Keith, Keith, Keith.” 

“Good work, team. You guys did amazing out there.” Shiro said once they were all back in the castle. Keith took off his helmet, the last one to do so, and grinned. 

“Yeah. The team’s been awesome. Can I talk to you, about that one move Black likes to do?” Keith stepped closer to Shiro, who nodded. They began talking logistics, leaving Lance standing by Allura.

“That was a great fight, ‘Lura.” Lance said, grinning again. He turned to look at her and then stumbled backwards. The look she was giving him was..intense. Almost…

“You did amazing, Lancey Lance.” Allura almost purred, batting her eyelashes at Lance.

“Thanks, so did you. Are you, alright Allura? You don’t I don’t know, have a space fever or anything?” Lance was a few moments away from checking Allura’s temperature with the back of his hand. 

“Oh, no, I am actually doing amazing. Simply, glowing.” She batted her eyelashes again, almost like she had something stuck in her eye. 

“Right.” Lance said, wondering if he should call Coran. Maybe Allura caught a weird, loopy alien bug.

“And, tell me, are you an alien?” She asked.

“Am I a-what?” Lance stood frozen not really able to comprehend what was happening at the moment. “I mean technically-”

“Because your body is out of this world.” Allura interrupted, voice smooth and low.Then she giggled, brushed her arm across his shoulder slowly, winked, and then flipped her hair in his face as she walked away to talk to Pidge and Hunk. Wait, what?

Was she?

Flirting?

What.

**************

After everyone else was asleep, Keith slipped out of his room, glanced both directions down the hallway, and then snuck over to Lance’s. He knocked on the door, in that secret pattern Lance insisted they learn, “because it’s cool, Keith!”

One second, two seconds, before Lance knocked back three times, then opened the door. He was wearing his robe and had one of the green face masks on, looking absolutely, well, beautiful, honestly.

“I still don’t understand why you have to knock back. Can’t you just let me in?” Keith said when they were face to face. Lance stuck out his tongue, before grabbing Keith’s hand and pulling him in, shutting the door behind him.

“It’s cooler this way. Plus, what if someone’s in my room, and you show up like, naked or something? Gotta have a way to warn each other.” Lance said, wearing the impish grin.

“Gross. I’m not going to show up naked.” Keith said, wrinkling his nose. “Who would do that?”

“I don’t know. Let me have my spy fantasies and do the goddamn knock.” Lance said without any real bite in his voice, and Keith leaned up to peck his mouth, which was mercifully not covered in the face mask. 

“Are you going to wash that off?” Keith asked. “You look like Shrek.”

“Excuse you.” Lance said, already heading to the bathroom. “This is definitely more of a Yoda green.” Keith laughed out loud, before settling himself down on Lance’s bed. He heard the water start to run and grabbed Lance’s pillow, hugging it close to his chest. He liked Lance’s room. It felt full, fuller than Keith’s, and always smelled like Lance. Warm. Somehow.

“I wouldn’t know. I’ve never seen Star Wars.” The water stopped abruptly, and in another second Lance was standing in the doorway, hand clutched over his heart and green goo residue still framing his face. 

“You’ve never seen Star Wars?” He said, sounding so mock offended that Keith had to laugh again. “You were in a space exploration program and you’ve never seen Star Wars?”

“Nope.” Keith said. “Not like I really had the time.” Lance cleared the room in a few steps, before kneeling down right in front of Keith, hands on his thighs. 

“Keith,” He said, voice dead serious and eyes shining like he was about to propose something epically romantic. “You are watching Star Wars with me the second we get home.” The casual use of the word home sent butterflies through Keith’s stomach. Home, like Keith was inevitably to something he knew held such high importance to Lance. Home, unquestionably, like he wasn’t going to ditch Keith the second he could. Home, like somehow that definition could extend to Keith.

“I thought you were taking me to Varadero Beach the second we got home.” Keith said, putting his hands on top of Lance’s. They were warm, and Lance’s face lit up.

“Okay, second, then. Or we could watch Star Wars on the beach. Original trilogy of course, because young Carrie Fisher AND Harrison Ford? Hoo baby. I bet Pidge could hook up a giant projector, and I could make you some of my mom’s famous garlic knots because I’m definitely husband material, and then we can cuddle on the best beach ever watching the greatest cinematic masterpiece- What?” Lance stopped once he noticed Keith was just staring at him a few inches away, with a probably a dopey look on his face.

“Nothing.” Keith said, sliding his arms around Lance’s neck and leaning down to bump their noses together. “You’re just really cute and it’s super annoying.”

“You seem super annoyed by it.” Lance said. Keith wiped a little bit of excess face mask goo from the corner of Lance’s mouth with his thumb.

“I am.” Keith said. “Now get up here and kiss me.” Lance rose to his feet and then basically knocked Keith back onto the bed and now the smell of warm surrounded him like a blanket, or a bubble. Like the entire universe consisted only of Keith and Lance in this specific moment. And he was definitely not complaining. He could kiss Lance all day. 

“You know.” Lance said, pulling up after a few moments. “That’s a popular opinion today.”

“What?” Keith said, his arms freezing where they were locked around Lance’s neck.

“That I’m cute. Probably that I’m annoying too, but that’s like, every day, so.”

“Who said that?” Keith asked. They had only been around the other paladins today, after all. Unless an attacking Galra had somehow told Lance that he was cute, which seemed unlikely. Lance rolled off of Keith until they were lying on their sides facing each other.

“It was the weirdest thing.” Lance said, his hand still on Keith’s waist. “After the mission, I think Allura was flirting with me?”

“Allura?” Keith sat up in the bed, feeling a weird pit in his stomach. That was a feeling Keith wasn’t a fan of, although one he was familiar with. He tried to will it away. If he knew anything, it was jealousy was not a good ingredient in a relationship, especially one he wanted to last. Hopefully. 

“Hey, babe-” Lance started, his voice taking on a reassuring tone as he sat up next to Keith. 

“But Allura has always loved you in, I don’t know, a sexless, nonromantic kind of way.” Keith said, waving his hand in an attempt to keep his dumbass brain from spiraling into that dark place it always liked to go. 

“Cause a guy can’t hear that enough.” Lance said, his voice teasing.

“Lance, come on, you know how I think of you and your, well, are you sure Allura was flirting?” Keith asked, cause nothing burst a bubble faster than the fact that the team’s resident bombshell was flirting with Lance. Of all the people she could flirt with, it had to be Keith’s boyfriend, didn't it?

“Yeah, actually. It was weird. But Keith, darling, babe, sweetheart,” Lance said, and Keith looked at him again, if only to get him to stop using the nicknames. “I don’t care if a million aliens princesses flirt with me. You’ve been the one I have my eyes on, and you’re the one I want to make fun of and poke and kiss, occasionally. Not anyone else.”

“Occasionally.” Keith repeated, rolling his eyes as he scooched slightly closer to Lance. 

“Occasionally, always, what’s the difference?”

“Are you going to talk to her about it?”

“Nah. Not yet. I mean it could’ve been a fluke, although she did use one of my own pickup lines on me.” Lance actually looked proud of that, like his pickup lines weren’t terrible.

“Oh yeah?” He asked. “Which one?”

“Only my most effective one.” Lance then lowered his eyelids dramatically, leaning in close to Keith and sliding an arm around his shoulders like he was hitting on Keith in a sleazy bar. “Hey baby, are you an alien? ‘Cause your body is out of this world.” He punctuated it with a wink, and Keith had to choke back a laugh.

“So, not your best then.” Keith teased, and Lance immediately pulled his arm away, sticking out his lower lip in a mock pout.

“What? That line is perfect! Tried and true, bold without being creepy, and thematically appropriate, given that we’re in space and all.” 

“It’s still terrible, corny at best and little bit too on the nose for space.” Keith teased. 

“Like you could do any better.” Lance said, and Keith knew a challenge when he heard one. He raised an eyebrow, before positioning himself so he faced Lance more head on.

“Oh?” He asked, cocking his head. 

“Yeah, you're terrible at flirting. Definitely not better than me.” Lance said, that challenge still in his voice. And, like always, Keith rose to that challenge. 

“Do you have a name,” Keith said, trying to sound as suave as possible. “Or should I just call you mine?” It seemed to do the trick, based on the red that was rising in Lance’s cheekbones. Very cute cheekbones.

“That was terrible.” Lance said, biting his lip to hold back a giggle.

“Ooh, I have another one.” Keith said, covering Lance’s mouth with his hand before he could say anything. “If looks could kill, you’d be a weapon of mass destruction.” Lance pulled Keith’s hand away.

“You would use the most violent pickup line.” Lance said, laughing. 

“Or, I’m sorry, you’re so hot, you made me forget my pickup line.” Keith said, barely making it through that one without laughing. 

“Where do you store all of these?” Lance asked, shoving Keith with his shoulder.

“One more, one more.” Keith said, before placing his hand on Lance’s still slightly gooey face and guiding him to look Keith straight in the eyes. “Your lips look lonely, babe, would they like to meet mine?” 

“Oh my god, you can’t throw a pet name in there, that’s cheating.” But then he was leaning forward and kissing Keith, so who was the real winner here? 

“Worked on you.” Keith whispered.

“Are you sure you’re okay with the Allura thing?” Lance asked, voice low and caring. Keith had to smile.

“I trust you, Leandro.” Keith said, using Lance’s birth name, information he had only become privy to only a few weeks prior. “It only bothers me if it bothers you.” 

“You know,” Lance said thoughtfully. “I hated my name growing up, but when you say it...” Lance trailed off, kissing Keith again.

“Oh, I could say a lot more than just your name.” Keith said, sliding his arms around Lance’s neck and pulling him closer.

“Oh my god, cariño. Where are you getting these? Do you have a secret book, like 1001 pick-up lines?” Lance said, pulling Keith onto his lap. Keith shrugged.

“Internet?”

“I adore you.” Lance said, and pulled Keith closer to kiss him again. And at that moment, kissing Lance with the idea of home on his tongue, Keith thought he might probably be the happiest he had ever been.

**************

Lance pretty much completely forgot about the Allura flirting incident until the next morning, when Coran informed them that they had received a distress signal from a nearby Galra occupied planet. 

“So you want us to swoop in there, kick some ass, swoop out?” Lance said, pulling on his helmet. “Too easy.”

“I, uh, concur that.” Keith said. Lance snorted. What had Pidge called Lance forever ago? A paragon of leadership? Well, that definitely applied to his cute boyfriend right now. “Let’s go, team.”

“I miss you already Lance.” Allura purred as she walked by, hand stroking down Lance’s arm slow and deliberate. “And I’ll miss you too, Mr. Bicep.” Then she swept up all her hair in her helmet and walked purposely over to Blue’s hangar.

“Keith!” Lance said, his words jumbled, only because everyone else had left to their positions. “You saw that, right?”

“I did.” Keith blinked at the space where Allura had gone, looking quite confused. “She was flirting with you.” He looked a little lost, and nope, Lance was not going to let Keith spiral back to that place in his brain where he somehow believed that he was not a worthy of Lance’s affection. Allura, while she had captured Lance’s attention at the beginning, had grown to something of a sister to Lance, a best friend with a close bond. Definitely not a Keith replacement.

“Hey, Keith, babe, you know that you’re my number one, and we can always just tell her, she’ll respect that and stop-”

“Quiznak!” Keith interrupted, covering his mouth with one hand. He dropped it, eyes wide in shock before he looked back at Lance. “She knows!”

“What? Are you serious?”

“She somehow found out and is trying to mess with us!” Keith said. “That’s the only explanation for how out of character whatever that was!”

“Hey! How do we know she hasn’t suddenly realized how irresistable Lancey Lance is and decided that her only course of action was to flirt-” Lance gasped out loud, hoping the dramatic effect was as effective with his paladin helmet on. He pointed at Keith. “She knows!”

“How did she find out? And if Allura knows, who else knows?” Keith asked. Lance narrowed his eyes.

“I think we need to talk to Hunk.” He said.

“Keith! Lance!” Pidge’s voice boomed through the comms. “Where the hell are you guys?”

“After the mission.” Keith said, and they both sprinted to their lion hangers.

**************

“Hunk, we have a bone to pick with you.” Lance said, before ducking to avoid another volley of shots from oncoming Galra. They were on the ground now, after one ship had escaped Voltron’s wrath and landed on the surface of planet Xurio.

“Now?” Hunk asked. Partly because right in the middle of a ground invasion from the Galra on in the middle of Xurio’s capital city was an inconvenient time to have a conversation, mostly because he had an inkling as to exactly what this conversation would be about. He jumped behind a building, then peeked around just enough to fire another shot at the druids heading his way. Boom, three taken down.

“No time like the present.” Keith panted, suddenly dropping in seemingly out of nowhere. He was probably scaling roofs or god knows what looking for Galra soldiers. “Does Allura know?”

“What? Allura? Knowing? About the gay? Where would you get a crazy-”

“Cover me!” Keith yelled, before jumping back into the street and stabbing a druid in the face. Hunk shot another one aiming towards Keith’s heading, and Lance one a little further down the hallway.

“Does Allura know about us, Hunk?” Lance asked again, while simultaneously focusing on sniping enough to keep Keith out of harm’s way.

“Uhhh-”

“Hunk!” Both Keith and Lance said firmly at the same time. 

“Fine! They know!”

“They?” Keith was momentarily frozen enough for a druid to get a shot on his leg, sending him down to the ground. Shit.

“Keith!” Lance jumped out into the open, wildly shooting druids as he made his way to his sort of boyfriend. 

“I’m fine!” Keith said, standing up again, then throwing his bayard dramatically into the last druid in the street. The sword struck true, and it went down. “Hunk, who is they?” 

“Uh,” Hunk’s heart was beating fast even though technically there was no longer any danger in this area. “Allura, and...Hunk.” He pointed at himself. 

“Hunk.” Keith tried to take a threatening step forward, but winced and would’ve tumbled back down to the ground had Lance not been there to catch him. Lance wound one of Keith’s arms around his own shoulder and held his waist. 

“Fine! Pidge knows too.” Hunk said, feeling extremely guilty for multiple reasons. 

“Pidge knows too?” Lance said at the exact same time Allura asked for their status over the comms.

“Sector 8 is clear.” Keith said into his comms, shooting a glare at Hunk.

“Great job. Especially you, Lance.” Allura said, which was definitely not the first time she’d flirted over the course of this entire mission, which was not helping Hunk’s stomach condition. “We’ll meet you guys at the capitol building.”

“Got it.” Lance shut off the comm and turned to Hunk. “So, they know about us, and are trying to get back at us, for some reason.”

“Yep.” Hunk confirmed.

“Well, they don’t know that we know.” Keith said, smiling coyly, like he hadn’t just been shot in the leg.

“Shit, Keith, you’re bleeding!” Lance said, slightly panicked and momentarily distracted.

“I’m fine.” Keith started, but Lance had already bent down and scooped Keith up like he weighed nothing, bridal style. “You’re so dramatic.” Keith said, turning slightly red even as he put his arms around Lance’s neck. “And you aren’t going to tell Pidge or Allura that we know they know. We have the edge now.” 

“I-fine. I won’t. I’ll keep telling lies, like some sort of liar.”

“Good.” Keith said, which made Lance laugh, even though Hunk didn’t think it was that funny at all. 

“Come on, dumbass, let’s get you to a healing pod and then after that the messy’s will become the messer’s.” Lance said, pivoting on his heel to head towards the capitol building. Hunk definitely did not like the sound of that, but what choice did he have at this point but to follow? Follow and hope above hope this entire ordeal would come to an end soon.

**************

“That was a long ass mission.” Pidge said, putting her feet on the couch in a way that would have her father chastising her. The thought almost made her homesick, weirdly enough. “Way more extensive than Coran implied.”

“Yep, and having to hear Allura’s forced attempts to flirt made it ten times worse.” Hunk said, shooting a glare over where Allura had cornered Lance yet again. Keith was currently in the healing pod, because even though he had profusely insisted he was fine, Lance and Hunk had insisted harder that it was “better safe than sorry!” 

“I think she’s doing an amazing job.” Pidge said. “Lance is definitely uncomfortable, and soon he’ll have no choice but to admit that he’s been seeing Keith, and they’ve been lying to us this entire time!” Both of them turned to look at where Allura and Lance stood.

“What is she telling him now?” Hunk asked. 

“I told her to lay it on thick, and maybe invite herself over to Lance’s room tomorrow night.” Pidge said, trying to be subtle about her open staring.

“You what?!” Hunk exclaimed, and Pidge elbowed him in the stomach.

“Shh! We need this to be convincing.” They watched as Lance made a variety of facial expressions, each of them more entertaining than the last, before Allura turned around and Lance all but bolted out of the room.

“What happened? Not that I approve of any of it.” Hunk asked as Allura made her way back to the couch, looking quite panicstricken. She wrung her still gloved hands together. 

“He wants me to come to his room tomorrow night to feel his bicep and maybe more!” Allura said, looking absolutely horrified. Pidge felt a jolt in her gut. “Oh, this is awful, what have we done? Poor Keith!”

“What? How could Lance do something so heartless?” Pidge said. Lance totally betraying Keith without a second thought wasn’t part of the plan! What had she done- “Wait.” Pidge said, suddenly realizing something, locking eyes with Allura. They both narrowed theirs at the same time, then simultaneously turned to Hunk.

“Hunk.” Allura said, careful, calculated. “Do they know that we know?” 

“Uhhhh…” Hunk cowered deeper into the couch, which wasn’t surprising as he had two very emotionally volatile girls glaring at him. Both Pidge and Allura stepped closer. 

“Hunk.” Pidge’s tone was a warning.

“They know you know.” Hunk said. 

“Dammit!” Pidge said, throwing her hands in the air, as she turned to pace the room. “They’ve called our bluff.” 

“Or have they?” Allura said, stopping Pidge’s pacing in her tracks. She pivoted on her heel to face the princess, who was looking particularly mischievous. 

“What do you mean?” Pidge said, her curiosity piqued. If they could still salvage this, with Pidge emerging as victorious and Lance and Keith apologizing for all the lying...

“They don’t know that we know that they know we know, you know?” Allura said, the grin on her face growing wider. 

“You’ve lost me.” Hunk said, once again falling on deaf ears.

“You’re right. They don’t know that we know that they know we know, which means that we have the upperhand again! Ha!” Pidge fistbumped the air. 

“Why can’t we just tell them that we know and be done with it?”

“Because then we’re giving in. And we’re not losing to a bunch of bitch ass boys, right Pidge?” Allura said, sounding proud of her complete mastery of earth slang.

“Exactly,” Pidge said, feeling a little like a mad scientist and a little like a proud mother. “Hunk you can’t tell them that we know that they know we know, got it?”

“Couldn’t if I wanted to.” Hunk said, his hands up in surrender. 

“Perfect. Let’s get you ready for tomorrow night, Allura. We’ve got a lot to teach you about human courting rituals.”

**************

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Lance asked. Keith had been released from the healing pod after a full recovery only a few vargas ago, and was sitting on Lance’s bed as Lance stood at the closest and tried to pick out an outfit for his fake date tonight with Allura. “You know, me trying to fake romance Allura?”

“Hey, don’t tell me I’m losing you now. “ Keith said, shifting until he was sitting cross legged. He put his elbow on his knee and rested his hand on his chin. “Think you’re not up for the task?”

“I am SO up for this task.” Lance said. “I romance people for breakfast.” He held up the outfit he wore to the Pulchari ball. “Now is this too much for a night in?”

“Yes. Too much lace.” Keith said, which was very true.

“You didn’t think it was too much lace when-”

“Lance.” Keith interrupted, an amused smile playing on his face. 

“Okay, you’re right. Too much lace. Even though the point of this is to scare Allura into breaking.” 

“Gotta give her a fighting chance, at least.” Keith said, although he made a mental note to ask Lance to wear that outfit again later. Maybe to celebrate their inevitable victory over Pidge and Allura.

“You flatter me, mi amor.” Lance said, dramatically spinning around as he put the Pulchari outfit back in the closet and looked for another one. There wasn’t a super ton of options, given that he had originally only started with the clothes on his back and the paladin armor. “What do you think I should wear, then? What outfit really makes you feel like surrendering.” Keith scanned over Lance’s closet and shrugged.

“I don’t know. You look great in everything.” Lance scoffed disbelievingly, poking his head out of the closet.

“You’re sweet, babe, but absolutely useless at fashion. Should’ve expected it, just look at your excuse for a jacket. Neither fashionable nor functional.” Lance said, shaking a hanger with a weird snowcoat on it at Keith. He must’ve kept that from that ice planet they went to a few months ago.

“Wear the thing you wore to that alien wedding we hosted, a few months ago.” Keith’s voice cracked slightly at that, something that Lance caught onto immediately.

“Oho. Liked that one, did you?” Lance winked, before pulling out the heavily Earth inspired semi formal suit Coran had sewn especially for Lance. The very thing Lance was wearing the first time he and Keith had ever even kissed. 

“Obviously, dumbass.” 

“Name-calling won’t retract the compliment, which I am now obligated to hold against you forever. You thought I was cute in a suit; that’s so gay it rhymes.” Lance disappeared into the closet, likely to put the suit on.

“I am gay, and we’re together!” Keith said, but was only met with Lance’s sunshine laughter.

“Still!” Lance said in a sing song voice. “Corny.”

“You said I was like a beautiful sunset only an hour ago!” Keith said, only causing more laughter. Then Lance popped out of the closet fully dressed and popped an overly dramatic pose.

“What do you think, mi amor?” He said, in an overexaggerated accent. Keith grinned, clutching Lance’s pillow into his chest. Yep, he looked just like that night.

“Allura won’t know what hit her.” Keith said.

“Excellent. Now help me turn this room into a love nest.”

“That’s gross.” Keith said, standing up anyway to get the mini basket of items they had found around the castle, items that Lance said screamed “romance.” Stuff like bottles of nunvil Lance wouldn’t touch, some spare piping that could pass for candles if you squint, and Pidge’s phone that could play the Altean version of romantic music.

“Ah, the only gross thing is that I don’t get to share this with you.” Lance said, catching Keith’s hand and then spinning him into Lance’s chest. It was a smooth move, one that left Keith grinning. He had really scored, hadn’t he?

“Save some charm for Allura, dork.” Keith said, leaning in and kissing Lance softly. “Cause we’re going to make them rue the day they ever decided to mess with us.”

“Oh, Keith, you’re so romantic.” Lance said, before kissing him once more and then pulling away to get the rest of the room ready. Keith had to laugh, before helping him.

**************

“Lance isn’t going to know what hit him.” Pidge said, looking way too pleased with herself as Allura examined her outfit in the mirror. It was a traditional Altean courtship outfit, one that Allura hadn’t worn for over ten thousand years. She smiled sadly at her reflection.

“Yes, I think this outfit will do.”

“This is going to make him so awkward, he’ll definitely break first.” Pidge said, holding out her fist to Allura. Allura bumped it with her own fist, just like the paladins had taught her their first week in space. “And then we’ll win.”

“I still don’t understand what you guys are winning.” Hunk said from the corner.

“Honor, Hunk. Honor.” Pidge said. “The only thing worth winning.”

“That, and wars.” Allura added.

“Of course.”

“Okay. I’m ready to head to Lance’s. “ Allura said, dusting off her pants, then spinning around one more time for good measure. 

“I can’t believe this is actually happening.” Hunk said. 

“Believe it bud.” Pidge said, patting him on the shoulder. “Soon, we’ll be tasting sweet sweet victory.” 

When they finally made it to Lance’s door, Allura was feeling the buds of nervousness creep on her. 

“Are you sure I can do this? What if he doesn’t crack?” She asked, staring at the door without moving.

“Are you kidding me? That boy is as weak as they come when it comes to pretty people. You’re not so easily broken.” Pidge said. She adjusted her glasses. “I’ve fed the video feed from Lance’s room to my tablet, so we’ll be able to see everything.” She held up the piece of tech in question, and Allura nodded. Right. She could do this. Definitely wasn’t her first time trying to fake seduce someone so they would crack and reveal a hidden relationship. 

Great, now she was missing Altea again.

“Allura, you with me?” Pidge asked, and Allura stood up straighter.

“Yep, I’m fine! Go hide.” And without further ado, Allura knocked on Lance’s door. Immediately Pidge and Hunk dived around the corner, and Allura could hear the tiny “ding” that indicated Pidge’s tablet was booting up. 

Showtime.

Lance’s door opened slowly, and revealed Lance standing there in his suit, posing in what looked like a very unnatural position for human anatomy. His face was contorted weird too, like he felt uncomfortable. Good, Pidge was right. This would be easy.

“Hello, Allura. Welcome to the place where the magic happens?” His voice went up at the end like a question. 

“Oh, I am so glad to be here.” Allura lied through her teeth, stepping inside. “So glad you invited me and that we’re going to be taking our relationship,” She paused as she stroked her hand down Lance chest, just like she had seen in a romance flick ten thousand years ago. "To the next level." 

“Hmm, yes. I have some, er, nunvil. Would you like some? To set the mood?” Lance was already walking away from Allura, heading towards his dresser. “As so you can see I have a bottle I stole from Coran and two glasses.”

“Ooh, how rebellious of you.” Allura said, batting her eyelashes. She also saw that in the movie, and it seemed to be effective, because they were married two scenes later. Lance swallowed nervously, before pouring two glasses with a shaking hand. Got him.

“I am known as the castle’s resident bad boy.” Lance said, holding out one of the glasses. Allura had to bite her lip to keep herself from laughing as she reached out to grab it. Their fingers did not touch as the glass passed between them.

“Oh, definitely.” Allura agreed. 

“So, Allura, I have to ask. What made you finally realize you were missing all of this?” Lance ran his hand down the length of his body in what she assumed must have been an attempt of seduction. “I mean, not that I don’t want this. I am so glad that you are in my room. And we are going to be...doing things.”

“Oh, well, I guess I just realized how much I was missing, what was going on right under my nose.” She squinted at him, because he knew that she knew. He grimaced, then chugged his glass of nunvil fast enough to make Allura wince.

“Fuck.” He said, when he set the now empty class down. He looked more than a little queasy, a little peaky, and like he was going to throw up at any second.

“Wow, you are so, so, attractive right now.” Allura said, before downing her own glass of nunvil and slamming it back down on the dresser.

“I’m so excited to be, having all the sex.” Lance said, and oh god, Allura couldn’t do this. She needed to regroup before she regurgitated.

“Yes, of course. But first, I want you to...rub lotion on me.” Allura said, which was also part of the movie. The image was, horrifying at best, but at this point it was all or nothing. Lance immediately blanched, then smoothed his face over.

“I would, I would just love that. Let me go into my bathroom and grab some, some space lotion. To rub on you.” Lance said slowly. They made eye contact, and then Lance spun on his heel and practically sprinted to the bathroom. Allura span around, running to the door. 

“Pidge!” Allura hissed into the hallway once she opened the door. “Hunk!” The two appeared in like the blink of an eye. 

“Are you almost done?” Hunk said, but Pidge pushed past him to get right in Allura’s face.

“What are you doing?” Pidge asked. “What’s your status ?”

“It’s going terribly! He went to get space lotion!” Allura held out her hands helplessly.

“I told you guys this was a terrible idea.” Hunk said, crossing his arms. 

“Hunk, the last thing you need in this critical time is your negativity.” Pidge said.

“Think of it this way, Hunk. The faster we get Lance to crack, the faster all of this gets out in the open, and all this secret keeping is over.”  
Allura said. Suddenly Hunk’s face lit up.

“Ooh. I like that.” Hunk said pointing at Allura. Then he clapped his hands together. “Show him your bra. Lance is scared of bras. Can’t work ‘em.”

“Okay, easy.” Luckily, Altean date outfits were designed for that. She reached behind her, pulling a tab and then boom.

“And that’s your bra.” Pidge said, blinking widely. 

“Altean wardrobe technology is quite advanced.”

“Yep, that’ll work. Good call, Hunk.” Pidge said, a large grin forming on her face. “You ready to get back in there?”

“Alright. Alright. I’m ready to go.” Allura said.

**************

“Keith, Keith, this is going terribly. She wants me to get space lotion.” Lance slammed the bathroom door shut. “I’m freaking out, dude.” 

“Hey, hey, you’re doing great.” Keith said, grabbing Lance’s shoulders. “Take a deep breath, alright?” Lance locked eyes with Keith, matching his breathing with his. “Hey, do you still want to do this?”

“Yes. We need to get back at them, but I don’t know if I can-” Suddenly Keith’s hand was over Lance’s mouth, effectively stopping him from talking. 

“Hey. Dumbass. Look at me.” Lance tried to reply, but Keith didn’t budge his still gloved hand. “No, just listen to me. You are a notorious flirt and the hottest, sexiest person I’ve ever met. And I’ve met like, fifty different kinds of aliens whose entire culture revolves around sex for some reason. But that’s not why we’re going to win. We’re going to win because we’re the best damn team in the universe, and Allura and Pidge are full of shit if they think they can beat us. You got it, sharpshooter?” Keith finally removed his hand, his eyes fiery.

“Your pep talks are definitely improving.” Lance said, a stupid grin on his face, and he kind of felt super lucky at that moment in time.

“Oh, shut up.” Keith said, shoving a bottle into his hands. “Here’s the space lotion. Now go get some, babe.” Keith pecked Lance on the lips and shoved him back out the bathroom door, still clutching the bottle of space lotion in his hands.

**************

Pidge had her eyes glued to the screen the second the door shut behind Allura. Lance came back from the bathroom a few seconds later holding a bottle of something.

“Ew, did he really grab space lotion?” Pidge said. Hunk peered over her shoulder, totally invading her personal space. 

“What can you see? What are they doing? Oh quiznak, now I’m stressed.” Hunk said. Pidge elbowed him in the stomach, gently. Like a friend.

“Shh! I’m trying to listen.” Pidge hissed at him, peering closer to the screen.

“Oh, were you leaving?” Little Lance on the screen said, sounding hopeful.

“Oh, no.” Allura turned around, revealing her exposed bra. “I wouldn’t leave when things were just getting good.”

“Oh.” Lance said, immediately averting his eyes, looking at the floor, the ceiling, the wall, anywhere but Allura’s chest. “Oh. That is your bra.” 

“Yes. It is.” Allura said. “What do you think?” Lance turned a bright red color, and Pidge had to stop herself from shouting in triumph. Lance was on the ropes, and Allura just needed to seal the deal.

“I love it. Love me some… breasts.” Oh god, Pidge was going to die. 

“I can’t watch this anymore.” Pidge said, not making any effort to move away from the tablet. 

“So.” Lance said, trying to salvage what little dignity he had.

“So.” Allura said, putting one hand on her hip and jutting it out. “I guess there’s nothing left to do but, er, get this started with a kiss.”

“It’s weird how Altean courting rituals are so similar to human rituals.” Hunk commented.

“Convenient though.” Pidge said.

“Yes. Of course. Kissing.” 

“Kissing.” Allura repeated, her voice sounding forced.

“Oh, unless you don’t want to?” Lance said, taking a step back and holding up his hands in the surrender position. He was still holding the goddamn space lotion.

“No. I’m definitely not backing out right now.” Allura said, and in one smooth movement, she stepped forward, grabbing Lance’s waist and pulling him close. He yelped in surprise, then put his hands on Allura’s shoulders. 

“Okay. Time to kiss.” Lance said, puckering his lips much like a fish might, Pidge imagined. 

“Oh my god.” Hunk said, covering his eyes and peeking through the fingers. 

“Yep.” Allura said, leaning in.

“Oh my god.” Pidge said. It was like watching a car wreck. A slow, agonizing, car wreck that Pidge was determined to see through to the bitter, victorious end. Both of them leaned forward, slowly, painfully, with as much chemistry as two cousins, and god, Pidge was going to hit something when-

“Stop!” Lance’s arms shot out, shoving Allura away as far as he could which, admittedly, was not that far, but the thought was there. “I can’t kiss you, and I don’t want to be with you!” He backed up and slammed into the dresser. 

“Yes!” Pidge cheered before slapping her own hand over her mouth so she could hear everything.

“And why not?” Allura said, voice dripping with triumph.

“Because I’m in love with Keith!” Lance yelled, pointing at the bathroom door. Simultaneously, three mouths dropped open in a gasp. 

“What?” Pidge and Hunk yelled at the same time, and Lance’s head shot towards the door. 

“Was that-” Lance started.

 

“I just thought you two were quiznaking!” Allura said, clasping her hands under her chin. “I didn’t know you were in love!” 

Pidge slammed her hand on the outside panel because, whatever, their cover was blown anyway. Hunk and Pidge tumbled into the room at the same time that Keith came out of the bathroom, hugging his chest and positively glowing. 

“That’s right!” Lance said, loud and proud, pointing at Keith. “I love him. I’m in love with him. I’m in love with Keith.” He said each word like a revelation, unable to tear his eyes away from the paladin in question. 

“I’m in love with you, Lance.” Keith said, eyes shining. They stepped towards each other, and then Keith slid his arms around Lance’s waist. Lance wrapped his arms around Keith’s neck, pulling him in a lot smoother than he did with Allura a few minutes earlier. Keith leaned forward, then they kissed, softly. 

“Okay, too long guys. We’re in the room.” Pidge said, looking away. “You guys are gross.”

“You know you’re happy for us, Pidge Podge.” Lance said, pulling away but not taking his eyes off Keith. 

“False. I am a woman of science, above feelings.” Pidge said.

“You’re smiling, Pidge.” Keith said, as if he wasn’t smiling like a goon as well.

“I’m just relishing in my victory.” Pidge said, biting back a grin. Lance laughed, pulling his eyes away from Keith to look at the rest of the group.

“Speaking of, you were definitely a worthy opponent, Princess.” Lance said, holding out the hand that wasn’t around Keith. Allura shook it, beaming. 

“As were you. Congratulations, you two.” She said, enthusiastically.

“You guys!” Hunk said, in tears. He barrelled into the both of them, sweeping them up in a bear hug. He squeezed hard, lifting the both of them up. “And, more importantly, the secrets out! I don’t have to hide anything from anyone anymore! We’re done!” He shook them around once, then set them down.

“Actually,” Keith said, and it was weird to see Keith with a big dopey grin on his face. “Coran and Shiro don’t know, so-”

“Oh, I’ve known.” All five of the paladins jumped, Hunk even screamed, and they all turned to see Coran standing casually at the doorway, twiddling his mustache. “In fact, I didn’t even know you guys were keeping it a secret. I’ve walked in on you two kissing multiple times. I’ve just assumed it was Earth culture to never verbalize a relationship.”

“Where the fuck did you come from?” Lance asked, sounding shocked. Coran just laughed in a New Zealand accent, before tipping an imaginary hat and leaving, just as much of an enigma as from whence he came. 

“Okay,” Keith said, hardly skipping a beat. “So it’s just Shiro who doesn’t know yet. But I’d appreciate if you guys waited until I got tell him, personally. Just because he’s basically my brother, and he’s got a lot on his plate with the whole black lion fiasco. I don’t think he needs another big thing changing right now.”

“Oh my god!” Hunk said, flopping onto Lance’s bed. Then the five of them all laughed, like their life was cheesy afterschool sitcom. Not that she minded that too much, Pidge found herself thinking. Maybe cheesy sitcoms weren’t super overrated.

**************

Everyone had been weird the past few days, Shiro thought. Ever since the one party at the Pulchari, Hunk wouldn’t even have a conversation with Shiro. And Shiro was like, 90% sure he hadn’t done anything scarring that night. And then there was Pidge and Allura kicking him out of the control room the other day, and he had been seeing less of Keith and Lance.

Shiro walked from the training room, content with his workout, when he passed by the control room. He remembered a few days ago, where Pidge and Allura were freaking out about, what was it, cameras? Maybe he should check those out. Just to make sure there wasn’t an issue they didn’t want to tell him about.

He went into the control room, which was empty, and pulled up the cameras. Allura, Pidge, and Hunk were just returning from the supply mission that Coran had told the crew about earlier that morning. Everything seemed normal there. He flicked his finger to switch between cameras.

Training room, empty after he had evacuated it. Nothing in the hallways except for Coran, who was carrying a box of spare parts to his room. Probably not worth asking questions there. He flicked one more time and then reached the bedrooms. Specifically, Lance’s bedroom. And Keith and Lance were in there.

That’s good. They should be getting some team bonding done, they’ve been at each other’s throats lately, Shiro figured, and he was about to switch away when suddenly Lance dived forward, and his mouth was quite literally on Keith’s throat.

“Oh my god.” Shiro said, eyes widening and horror burning in the pit of his stomach. “Oh my god.” That was Keith! Keith making out with Lance! Like this was just some sort of leisure cruise and they were drunken passengers, instead of the vital mission that was Voltron.

Quickly, Shiro closed down the cameras, then all but ran down the halls towards Lance's room. Rage was building in his stomach, and he was definitely going to break up whatever shenanigans those two thought were okay on a mission to save the universe.

**************

Keith was, well, having the time of his life. Even though he was on the apparent leader of a team that held the responsibility to protect the entire universe, and he could potentially die in a fiery accident at any moment, he was, for the first time, genuinely happy.

It certainly helped that he was currently making out with a cute boy. And that the boy in question was in love with him. Actually, honestly, in love with him. And, honestly, there was something about Lance’s lips on his that shut up that annoying pessimistic voice in his head, even just for a little while. It was like he was in his own personal bubble.

“Keith! Lance! I know you’re in there!” Nothing burst a happiness bubble like his pseudo brother yelling at him from outside the door.

“Oh my god.” Lance said, pulling away with the fear of god in his eyes. “That’s Shiro. Did Pidge not uninstall the fucking camera?”

“Oh my god.” Keith said, and part of him almost felt like laughing, because wow, they were never going to get to properly tell anyone, were they? The other part was a little bit panicky as Shiro pounded on the door again.

“You better open up!” Shiro yelled.

“Welp,” Lance said, pulling his shirt back over his head as fast as he could. “You know what Keith? We had a good run. We lasted, what, three, four months? That’s more than some people get in a lifetime. It was really nice getting to know you on an intimate level. Ba bye now.” He grabbed Keith’s face in his hands and kissed him quickly on the mouth.

“Where are you going?” Keith asked, trying not to laugh at how panicked Lance looked. 

“I’m going awol.” Lance said, hopping on one foot as he struggled to put on his shoes. He had a wild look in his eyes, like a cornered animal. “You distract Shiro, and I’ll be out of the first escape pod I find. Say goodbye to Voltron. You’ll have to make-do with only three limbs. Shouldn’t be too hard. I once saw a documentary about a guy with no limbs, and he went, like, skydiving and shit, so-”

“Lance,” Keith said, grabbing his boyfriends shoulders in a futile attempt to calm him. “Shiro’s not going to hurt you.”

“You were not there when he freaked out on Slav, man,” Lance pointed an accusing finger at Keith, finally putting both feet on the ground. He still only had one shoe on. “He is going to tear me apart.”

“Keith! Open this door!” Shiro yelled again. “We need to talk!”

“See? He just wants to talk.” Keith said, trying to sound calmer than he felt. “I can handle Shiro. I’ve been doing it for years, and I’ve done a lot of stupid stuff.” He ran his fingers through his hair and adjusted his shirt to make it look like he hadn’t been making out with anyone, before opening the door and casually leaning against the doorway.

“Hey big bro, what’s up?” Keith said, desperately trying to play off the fact that his pants were unbuttoned. Shiro took in his appearance for a solid second, he face growing a purpler color and his eyebrows knitting together. Then he shoved past Keith and into Lance’s room.

“Lance, I know you’re in here!” Shiro yelled, and Lance popped out from behind his bed, where he apparently had hidden. 

“Hey Shiro, how’s it hang-” Shiro stepped forward threateningly, and Lance yelped like a kicked puppy, before diving around Shiro’s arms and ducking to hide behind Keith, clutching his shirt like a little kid.

“Do you two have any idea how irresponsible-” Shiro started, turning around. “You would just put the universe at stake to fool around like-”

“Woah, Shiro, we’re not just messing around.” Lance interrupted, sliding his arms around Keith and resting his head on Keith’s shoulder. “I’m like, in love with him. For realsies. And I’m pretty sure he feels the same way.”

“Oh god, never say ‘for realsies’ when you’re confessing your love to me ever again.” Keith said. Lance just chuckled, squeezing him tighter.

“See? Totally mutual.” Lance said, and for a moment both just watched Shiro, who seemed to be experiencing every emotion at once and had just adopted a blank expression.

“Keith,” He started slowly. “You do?” 

“I do.” Keith confirmed, putting his hands up to rest on Lance’s.

“Right,” Lance started. “So it’s not like we’re fooling around, this is-”

“Keith’s in love?” And, oh god, he had on his ‘proud brother’ face. “And you love him back?” Shiro looked like he was smiling now, like he was seconds away from giving Keith a noogie. 

“Er, yes?”

“I’m proud of you guys. Especially Keith. I know how hard it is for you to express your emotions-”

“Oh my god, I’m leaving.” Keith said, pulling Lance’s arms from around himself.

“-And I’m really glad you guys are accepting yourselves. Living your truths only makes Voltron stronger.” Shiro continued as if Keith hadn’t said anything. “And I know, Keith, you’ve been struggling with feelings toward Lance ever since we got launched out into space, and I’m so happy that those feelings are reciprocated.”

“Oh my god.” Keith covered his face with his hands.

“I’m so glad you’re supportive.” Lance said, probably feeling happy that Keith was on the receiving end of torture this time around. “Now, can you tell me more about Keith’s pining? I’m afraid I’ve-”

“Oh my god, you two are the worst.” Keith said, before turning and leaving the room. He heard both Shiro and Lance laughing, then a small “Go get him.”  
He had barely made it out of the hallway when Lance had caught up to him, grabbing his hand. 

“Hey, babe.” Lance said, a grin in his mouth. 

“Hey.” Keith said. 

“So, everybody knows.” Lance started, intertwining their fingers and swinging their arms obnoxiously, just like he always did when he was trying to make Keith laugh.

“Yeah, they do. Do you feel like the magic’s gone now that we’re no longer sneaking around?” Keith said, squeezing his hand a little tighter. 

“You know what? I was just about to say.” Lance stepped backwards, back hitting the wall before pulling Keith to him and kissing him, deep and slow. Like they had all the time in the world, all the time and Keith was ready to spend every second he could with this boy in front of him. “Definitely gone.”

“Well, it was fun while it lasted, partner.” Keith said, kissing him again.

“Hmm. I love you.”

“I love you back.”

**Author's Note:**

> lilgoldenterra on tumblr drew art and i'm in love! everyone go [check it out](https://lilgoldenterra.tumblr.com/post/175896264982/art-for-the-fic-the-one-where-everybody-finds-out) and give her appreciation  
> 


End file.
